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  • agholisticcounseli

How to overcome a breakup

Updated: Sep 14

Breakups are easier to overcome with awareness.

Who hasn't experienced the pain of a breakup? Keeping love alive in a romantic relationship is much more demanding than in any other relationship. I remember the story of two brothers who stopped seeing each other for 20 years and when they met again, the love between them was still as present as when they stopped seeing each other. For a couple, the challenge of keeping love alive requires a lot of work. Many times we hear about how good communication, paying attention to small details, fidelity, respect, among others, are fundamental to building a healthy and loving relationship. Undoubtedly, those are necessary aspects in a relationship. Today, however, I want to talk about the unconscious aspects that determine the course of a romantic relationship from a holistic perspective, including the prenatal plan and the contracts that we establish even before incarnating in this world; yes, you are reading it right. Before incarnating, we create a plan and establish contracts with souls who decide to help us in the life plan that we have created. Robert Schwartz in his book "Your Soul's Plan" presents a series of examples based on real cases that exemplify this matter. From this perspective, couple conflict has another nuance, I think that understanding the prenatal plan can help us overcome a breakup more easily.

Understanding that in the relationship we are generally repeating patterns learned from our parents and that in addition, those models did not originate in our parents’ relationship, and often come from the relationships of grandparents and great-grandparents, is an important key. During the prenatal plan we decide in which family to incarnate, what programs to take and what roles to play for the ongoing incarnation. Thus, for example, we can choose the program of infidelity or physical abuse and make contracts with souls who, once incarnated will help us with the plan by being unfaithful or abusive towards us. Why would we choose a plan like this? It is a form of learning, in which we experience through polarities. If we want, for example, to remember that we are love, then we could choose to live the experience with a partner who disrespects us and we would incarnate in a family where several of the ancestors have been abused or abusive. In my practice I often see these cases. If you have followed my blog, remember the law of projection explained in "The Magic Mirror”, which explains how we are always projecting in others those unconscious aspects that we do not want to face consciously. The projection will continue until we understand the message. Continuing with the previous example of disrespect, a person can go through several relationships where the only thing that changes is the partner and the story of being mistreated is repeated.

Working on identifying the existing programs in your relationship is the first step towards having a more conscious relationship and the possibility of transcending them. By transcending the programs, it is possible for the couple to strengthen the relationship and continue learning together. In many cases, once we have understood the program the breakup becomes inevitable, since we have learned the lesson and the contract with our partner has come to an end. With this understanding, breakups, although generally painful, can be overcome easier and faster. Buddha said, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

In the end, it is always up to you to decide how you want to go through a breakup, you can decide to blame the other person and suffer for as long as you want, keeping yourself in the role of a victim. You can also take responsibility for your behaviors and emotions, learn and leave the relationship with a lot of gratitude; with the awareness that the other person was a learning channel, a mirror to look at, and transform yourself.

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