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Healing your inner child

Is it you or your inner child who controls your life?

I have already talked on my previous blogs about being programmed during the first 7 years of life. St. Francis Xavier said: "Give me a child for the first seven years and I will give you the man." Of course, these programs occur on an unconscious level, and the most relevant element is that as adults we recreate those programs without even realizing it. In the sessions with my clients, regardless of the conflict we are working on, it is always essential to rescue the child; the child who received the programs with no filter or ability to analyze. I mean that as children we do not have the ability to understand or judge the experiences of the adults; all the information we receive, automatically becomes truth. And this happens whether the information received is related to situations that as adults will help us to empower ourselves, or on the contrary, will become a limitation to achieve our goals. 95% of our life experiences are controlled by these unconscious programs, and unfortunately, different researches show that more than 70% of human beings have been exposed to toxic programs during their childhood. Thus, healing your inner child becomes essential in the personal growth process. Think about how many times you have reacted in a way that you did not expect during conflictive situations with your partner, your children, your boss or friends. In many of those situations you were probably surprised with your reaction once the situation calmed down and you just wondered where that reaction came from. In situations like these, it is usually the child who reacts. The Psychologist Enric Corbera states that we spend our adult life replicating what we experienced in our childhood.

Imagine that your inner child got stuck in different times of your childhood and did not continue to grow, nor benefit from everything you have learned so far. So, in many situations you behave like the adult that you are, but in others it is the child who takes control and reacts. And when the child takes over, the results are usually not the best. For example, a secretary brings some documents to her boss to be signed and the boss, without talking to her, makes a gesture asking the woman to leave the papers on his desk. The woman leaves the office crying and complains with her colleague about her boss' attitude of contempt insisting that her boss hates her. When we dig into this situation, we find that the boss lives in a situation of constant stress, which has little or nothing to do with his feelings towards his secretary. On the other hand, the secretary has a father who used to ignore her when she was a child. So, who does the secretary (unconsciously) see when she gets into her boss’ office? And who is really crying?

It is important to remember that we are always projecting ourselves in others and recreating unhealed situations from our childhood. Psychoanalysis defines projection as a defense mechanism that we use to externalize repressed unconscious content. My clients are usually surprised with the high percentage of situations in which it is their inner child who takes over. However, this is one of the first steps in the healing process: To become aware. Dr. Lipton, among other scientists, explains how human beings live on an autopilot, replicating childhood programs and believing that they are in control of their lives, when the reality is completely different.

Fortunately, today there are countless holistic techniques that can help us to explore these unconscious programs, in order to heal our inner child. My invitation today is to become a conscious observer and, the next time you face a stressing situation just imagine that you are looking at the situation from a corner and ask yourself: who is handling this situation, the child or the adult?


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